Whilst I Was on Hold For Wachovia Bank
Me: [on hold on the phone, forehead in hand, listening to horrible hold music]
J: Oh hey are you on the phone? [Hissing loudly:] OH HEY ARE YOU ON THE PHONE? [eyeballs locking with mine, making the “phone” symbol with her hand to her ear] HEY ARE YOU ON THE PHONE???
Me: [Nods silently with look of hatred]
J: [still hissing] OH, WELL I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK YOU, HOW DID THAT MARC JACOBS DRESS WORK OUT??? Remember that MARC JACOBS dress?? [hand still in “phone” symbol mode, pressed to her head]
Me: I never bought that dress, Jesus Christ, that was like eight months ago — [I finally get off hold] oh hello, yes, my account number is xxx-xxxx-xxx…
J: — OH OK I’LL ASK YOU TOMORROW ABOUT THAT MARC JACOBS DRESS! I’LL ASK YOU TOMORROW! HEH HEH HEH!
